Running. With my running shoes on and my face facing backwards. That was the conclusion of this weekend. We had a nice time together. Did the regular stuff-went to the movies, to the mall, hung out with each other all day etc. Okay, where do I start...I guess from the beginning.
GuyA arrived pretty late as usual, so my Friday was shot in the sense that we didn't get to hang out. I was a little perturbed about this and added this misdemeanor to my imaginary short but growing list of why we can't be together :D.
He had a good excuse and since I don't know how to hold a grudge to save my life, we made up. I don't know what we were talking about later on that night/morning but the conversation went around the way of why he was still here, why he didn't just go find someone else or why is he not just put off with all my 'legitimate' excuses and not just go find another chick that would take him as he is. Then he said or should I say it slipped out of his mouth: I Love you.
To say I was stunned is an understatement. I just stared at him and then asked him about 5 times what he said and he said it over and over again.
I couldn't think, I wanted to cry, I felt so vulnerable, I didn't know what to say or how to respond...because I believed him. It was not cute, it was not something he thought about, it was the way he felt towards me. I still didn't/haven’t say/said anything seeing as I don't think I love him.
aahhh. The whole weekend was nice. It was great having him around. I cooked Lafun (with his help) and egusi soup on Saturday and then Amala and Egusi soup the next day. We cleaned up together and read NaijaFineBoy's blog together, cracking up with tears running down our faces.
This is why I am running because I believe if I don't put the brakes on this relationship and hear from my father in heaven, I can very well see myself matching down the aisle with him. So I am going to take a sabbatical from him and go seek God's face.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Ringing in my head
I just heard Jordan Sparks sing this song on American Idol and I had to look up the lyrics! I love it! It speaks to me. I wish I could sing this song to my secret crush. Just switch the He's to She's
"I (Who Have Nothing)"I,
I who have nothing I,
I who have no one
Adore you,
and want you soI'm just a no one,
With nothing to give you but
OhI Love You
He, He buys you diamonds
Bright, sparkling diamonds
But believe me, dear when I say,
That he can give you the world,
But he'll never love you the wayI Love You
He can take you anyplace he wants
To fancy clubs and restaurants
But I can only watch you with
My nose pressed up against the window panel,
I who have nothingI,
I who have no one
Must watch you, go dancing by
Wrapped in the arms of somebody else
When darling it's I Who Loves you
I Love You
I Love You
I Love You
Ah men, the intricate details of my life.
Conversation
So I had this conversation with this guy that I care about BUT there is a huge question about one of the building blocks of a long lasting relationship. I had been yearning to talk- as in plain speak- to tell him what was going through my mind and how things stood in my opinion. It just seemed as if in the past, I didn't say enough to get through to him or I didn't say anything because the timing wasn't right or I just plain avoided it because I truly like him. He is the most smooth sailing person I've ever met. He is considerate and the kind of guy that would drive 300 miles every weekend to come see me.
But, as prayer would have it, I truly believe that God created the circumstances whereby I could talk to him and he could talk to me.
You might be wondering right now what kind of conversation had to take place that God Himself had to align the stars to make two adults talk to each other. Well, it was the topic of my faith. I am hesitant to say our faith because we don't share the same one.
Let me back track a little to give some context. When I first met guy A, he was a cool dude lurking in my peripheral vision. Some one I talked to once in a while and used to playfully 'harass' as to why his butt was not in church on Sundays. But he made his move- TWICE- when I was not really expecting it and that's when he made his way into my house- Heart: Just enter oh, not sit and make yourself comfortable :-P. We became great friends and when it got to the point that our relationship may be turning from just mere friendship to someone I was truly attracted to, He told me: " NJ, I'm a Muslim." He then proceeded to tell me in my state of shock/denial/you must be joking that he never told me he was either or. I just assumed he was a backsliding Christian and he knew there would come a time when he would have to tell me.
That's the background information.
Fast forward many months later. We still remain good friends. But now, he wants to take it to the next level. He gets upset when I refer to him as a friend. He on the other hand can't stop telling people I'm his wifey. From the get go I guess he made no qualms about the fact that he saw me as someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I guess I just chose to sidetrack all of that because I just didn't see how it would work. He doesn't see what the issue is since He is not necessarily a strict Muslim and he doesn't say I have to change. But in my experience(as in what I have seen, one person always changes and its usually the woman.
My point of contrition is who I am and how I want to live my life and how I want to build my family. I'm a Christian. I'm someone who follows the teachings of Christ and I loves me some Jesus. I want a family and a life routed upon Christian principles. Essentially, I want to live what I believe not just wear a title for show. I don't think I can bear for my future husband to be "okay" with my Faith as long as he doesn't have to go to church or do the things I want to do. That and the fact that there are some things that he deems okay that in my mind are not that keep cropping up in our relationship. At other times I don't know why I just don't say its over, I don't want to go further, this will not work, you can't possibly be the one, The Bible tells me not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers etc. It just doesn't come out of my mouth. I think guyA has done something to me!
Okay, to my point, we finally talked. I just spoke and I don't know where the words came from and he finally understood where I was coming from. I spilled my heart out as to how I feel about him, how I don't think this would work if I don't bend from my position. I then told him that I've been going on the internet to read up on Islam. He was pleasantly surprised. I figured instead of going by what I hear or have been thought in school about his religion, I should find out for myself. I don't claim to know all the answers or what the future holds but what I do know is the decision to live my life as one who Loves God. I just pray that when we both come together this weekend or the next- me with my Bible and him with his Qu'ran, we understand each other better. I wouldn't lie if I said I didn't want him to believe what I believe.
But, as prayer would have it, I truly believe that God created the circumstances whereby I could talk to him and he could talk to me.
You might be wondering right now what kind of conversation had to take place that God Himself had to align the stars to make two adults talk to each other. Well, it was the topic of my faith. I am hesitant to say our faith because we don't share the same one.
Let me back track a little to give some context. When I first met guy A, he was a cool dude lurking in my peripheral vision. Some one I talked to once in a while and used to playfully 'harass' as to why his butt was not in church on Sundays. But he made his move- TWICE- when I was not really expecting it and that's when he made his way into my house- Heart: Just enter oh, not sit and make yourself comfortable :-P. We became great friends and when it got to the point that our relationship may be turning from just mere friendship to someone I was truly attracted to, He told me: " NJ, I'm a Muslim." He then proceeded to tell me in my state of shock/denial/you must be joking that he never told me he was either or. I just assumed he was a backsliding Christian and he knew there would come a time when he would have to tell me.
That's the background information.
Fast forward many months later. We still remain good friends. But now, he wants to take it to the next level. He gets upset when I refer to him as a friend. He on the other hand can't stop telling people I'm his wifey. From the get go I guess he made no qualms about the fact that he saw me as someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I guess I just chose to sidetrack all of that because I just didn't see how it would work. He doesn't see what the issue is since He is not necessarily a strict Muslim and he doesn't say I have to change. But in my experience(as in what I have seen, one person always changes and its usually the woman.
My point of contrition is who I am and how I want to live my life and how I want to build my family. I'm a Christian. I'm someone who follows the teachings of Christ and I loves me some Jesus. I want a family and a life routed upon Christian principles. Essentially, I want to live what I believe not just wear a title for show. I don't think I can bear for my future husband to be "okay" with my Faith as long as he doesn't have to go to church or do the things I want to do. That and the fact that there are some things that he deems okay that in my mind are not that keep cropping up in our relationship. At other times I don't know why I just don't say its over, I don't want to go further, this will not work, you can't possibly be the one, The Bible tells me not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers etc. It just doesn't come out of my mouth. I think guyA has done something to me!
Okay, to my point, we finally talked. I just spoke and I don't know where the words came from and he finally understood where I was coming from. I spilled my heart out as to how I feel about him, how I don't think this would work if I don't bend from my position. I then told him that I've been going on the internet to read up on Islam. He was pleasantly surprised. I figured instead of going by what I hear or have been thought in school about his religion, I should find out for myself. I don't claim to know all the answers or what the future holds but what I do know is the decision to live my life as one who Loves God. I just pray that when we both come together this weekend or the next- me with my Bible and him with his Qu'ran, we understand each other better. I wouldn't lie if I said I didn't want him to believe what I believe.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Serenaded by a Stranger
Okay, my day just ended with a wonderful bang. Oh thank you Lord!! I don't know what it was but it seems the Lord showed up for me in an unusual way since Monday and Tuesday were not so good.
I got up this morning and decided I was going to wear a skirt outfit (which I rarely do) with boots to work. I went out of my room and went up one floor to eat my complimentary breakfast. Only for me to find out that the lounge was closed and we were asked to eat at the restaurant on the ground floor.
It was a four star all you can eat breakfast buffet with fresh pineapples (not from a can), an assortment of breakfast meats and roasted potatoes and different juices. I should have known that today would be fabulous.
I drove to work and I decided to reach out to people to help with our little application at work. That went extremely well and for the first time we were able to test via automation. Honestly, you would have thought I just won the lottery. Let me backtrack a little. This certain project had been pushed backed/scrapped twice before I came on board last month and for it to work while I'm on the heel, is so great. Big ups to Baba God.
Later I got back to the hotel and our complimentary hotel mede mede turned out to be some pasta in marinara sauce and grilled chicken- It tasted great too. Usually they give us cheese and crackers and egg rolls and meatballs. Ah, I though my day just ended with a high note. But Baba God wasn't done with me yet. I say, when the Heavens rain, it rains down babanla showers!!
So I decided that I was going to fix the handle of my carry on which broke on my way here. After many calls requesting super glue(Hey, what’s a chick to do, I had to glue it back together now) from the maintenance guy, I went down stairs to get it myself- Only for him to tell me that there is no super glue BUT he will come up and try and help.
So, it turned out that He could actually screw it back together. AND while he was screwing it back I just innocently asked why he always seems jolly and he replied and said He tries to and it’s a great way to go through life---so why did the conversation turn to music and He serenaded me with "fly me to the moon" and "Somewhere over the rainbow"???AHHH, I was star struck just staring at this tall skinny dude with thick glasses with a fabulous, earth shattering tenor voice sing to me??? HA! I mean he went on and told me that he and a friend of his are putting together a cd of old school songs. He ended the conversation by saying "well, have a good night and I must say you are a beautiful Nigerian woman"- No kidding. Those were his words. I smiled and said Thank you and I believe I must have being on level nine in heaven.
Let’s just say my day is complete. Thank you lord and good night.
I got up this morning and decided I was going to wear a skirt outfit (which I rarely do) with boots to work. I went out of my room and went up one floor to eat my complimentary breakfast. Only for me to find out that the lounge was closed and we were asked to eat at the restaurant on the ground floor.
It was a four star all you can eat breakfast buffet with fresh pineapples (not from a can), an assortment of breakfast meats and roasted potatoes and different juices. I should have known that today would be fabulous.
I drove to work and I decided to reach out to people to help with our little application at work. That went extremely well and for the first time we were able to test via automation. Honestly, you would have thought I just won the lottery. Let me backtrack a little. This certain project had been pushed backed/scrapped twice before I came on board last month and for it to work while I'm on the heel, is so great. Big ups to Baba God.
Later I got back to the hotel and our complimentary hotel mede mede turned out to be some pasta in marinara sauce and grilled chicken- It tasted great too. Usually they give us cheese and crackers and egg rolls and meatballs. Ah, I though my day just ended with a high note. But Baba God wasn't done with me yet. I say, when the Heavens rain, it rains down babanla showers!!
So I decided that I was going to fix the handle of my carry on which broke on my way here. After many calls requesting super glue(Hey, what’s a chick to do, I had to glue it back together now) from the maintenance guy, I went down stairs to get it myself- Only for him to tell me that there is no super glue BUT he will come up and try and help.
So, it turned out that He could actually screw it back together. AND while he was screwing it back I just innocently asked why he always seems jolly and he replied and said He tries to and it’s a great way to go through life---so why did the conversation turn to music and He serenaded me with "fly me to the moon" and "Somewhere over the rainbow"???AHHH, I was star struck just staring at this tall skinny dude with thick glasses with a fabulous, earth shattering tenor voice sing to me??? HA! I mean he went on and told me that he and a friend of his are putting together a cd of old school songs. He ended the conversation by saying "well, have a good night and I must say you are a beautiful Nigerian woman"- No kidding. Those were his words. I smiled and said Thank you and I believe I must have being on level nine in heaven.
Let’s just say my day is complete. Thank you lord and good night.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Cold and Grass Greener on the other side?
It is COLD. As in, I thought I knew what it was to be cold but today proved me wrong. I believe the temperature was 6 degrees with high winds. My week just did not start off on the right note at all. I set my alarm to get me up in time for my flight out to CT to Monday...only thing was I forgot to turn it on. I got up at 6.50- my flight was at 7.45.
So I rushed to the airport thinking I'll get on the next flight out. WHY WERE ALL THE US AIRWAYS KIOSKS NOT WORKING AND THERE WERE LINES AS IF PEOPLE WERE TRYING TO GET INTO THE PEARLY GATES?? Hmm. apparently, US Airways tried to upgrade their system over the weekend and instead it shut their systems down. I was in line for an hour and a half. By the time I got to the counter, my flight was gone and the next flight was about to take off. I left Queen City at 2.20 for CT.
So I thought the horrible delay and flight was behind me. How about when I got Hertz, they gave me a Chevy. Okay, say I’m being a little choosy but I'm a Ford chick through and through(at least when it comes to American car makers). That and the fact that Chevys are horrible cars to drive. But I digress. The worst part was that I couldn't figure out how to turn off the emergency break? Don't laff! The handle was not where it was supposed to be and I had run back out in the cold and the snow to the office to get someone to help--Only for me to figure it out before the lady came to my car.
So, I missed my exit to the hotel and was near tears as I tried to get back to the main road.
Just to end this on a high note, my week is slowly improving J
Okay, so people gather round oh. News broadcast!! In case you didn’t know, I am a HOT chick oh- to White Guys!
Hehe, okay. It has been a tinney weeney dream of mine to find a half white half Naija guy to sweep me off my feet or an Italian brother with a low cut to bring me a cool glass of water in the hot sun. But all those dreams never came true...in short, it seemed that the opposite race did not find me attractive at all. The only ones that looked my way, I did not have an ounce of attraction for.
Man #1
All of a sudden, I went on a Ski trip and meet this attractive ski instructor. After teaching me how to ski, he took me aside and asked if I wanted ski lessons- as in under the table lessons. I was like “sure.” But I knew he wanted more than that. I have never heard of someone collecting someone’s number just to arrange the lessons when it was done through the skiing office. Anyway, I couldn’t make the lessons and didn’t hear from him in about 2 weeks. All of a sudden he calls me up and wants me to come down for the lesson- half off, ¾ off and so on and so forth. I couldn’t make that either, so he is coming up to see moi- of course under the guise that he is bringing a friend up here for some reason. Hmm. E get as e bi oh. We are meeting at a café of my choosing- just in case I turn out to be a crazy chick or vice versa.
Man #2
This is one long time no see, like what I see (maybe) story. I went on a white water rafting trip with my colleagues at work and apparently I had made such an impression that he remembered me. I on the other hand barely did. So, we met again at a partner luncheon and I say next to him. I thoroughly enjoyed our banter. He could keep up with my wit and smart statements. So he hands me his card and says to keep in touch. I send him an email with literally 4 sentences
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don’t know what to say
But I’m emailing youuu
Lol, what? It’s funny
He wrote back a paragraph. I spoke to him once over the weekend and we are scheduled to watch a Naija movie when I get back home. Hmmm.
So, I wonder, should I take a chance and date someone of a different race (I say different race because I've dated other Africans).
On another note, a dear friend of mine was done with a virus over the weekend. Please pray for a complete recovery. Now this friend of mine- His story!!! I think I may have already blogged about him. I need to pray more and it’s not about health.
So I rushed to the airport thinking I'll get on the next flight out. WHY WERE ALL THE US AIRWAYS KIOSKS NOT WORKING AND THERE WERE LINES AS IF PEOPLE WERE TRYING TO GET INTO THE PEARLY GATES?? Hmm. apparently, US Airways tried to upgrade their system over the weekend and instead it shut their systems down. I was in line for an hour and a half. By the time I got to the counter, my flight was gone and the next flight was about to take off. I left Queen City at 2.20 for CT.
So I thought the horrible delay and flight was behind me. How about when I got Hertz, they gave me a Chevy. Okay, say I’m being a little choosy but I'm a Ford chick through and through(at least when it comes to American car makers). That and the fact that Chevys are horrible cars to drive. But I digress. The worst part was that I couldn't figure out how to turn off the emergency break? Don't laff! The handle was not where it was supposed to be and I had run back out in the cold and the snow to the office to get someone to help--Only for me to figure it out before the lady came to my car.
So, I missed my exit to the hotel and was near tears as I tried to get back to the main road.
Just to end this on a high note, my week is slowly improving J
Okay, so people gather round oh. News broadcast!! In case you didn’t know, I am a HOT chick oh- to White Guys!
Hehe, okay. It has been a tinney weeney dream of mine to find a half white half Naija guy to sweep me off my feet or an Italian brother with a low cut to bring me a cool glass of water in the hot sun. But all those dreams never came true...in short, it seemed that the opposite race did not find me attractive at all. The only ones that looked my way, I did not have an ounce of attraction for.
Man #1
All of a sudden, I went on a Ski trip and meet this attractive ski instructor. After teaching me how to ski, he took me aside and asked if I wanted ski lessons- as in under the table lessons. I was like “sure.” But I knew he wanted more than that. I have never heard of someone collecting someone’s number just to arrange the lessons when it was done through the skiing office. Anyway, I couldn’t make the lessons and didn’t hear from him in about 2 weeks. All of a sudden he calls me up and wants me to come down for the lesson- half off, ¾ off and so on and so forth. I couldn’t make that either, so he is coming up to see moi- of course under the guise that he is bringing a friend up here for some reason. Hmm. E get as e bi oh. We are meeting at a café of my choosing- just in case I turn out to be a crazy chick or vice versa.
Man #2
This is one long time no see, like what I see (maybe) story. I went on a white water rafting trip with my colleagues at work and apparently I had made such an impression that he remembered me. I on the other hand barely did. So, we met again at a partner luncheon and I say next to him. I thoroughly enjoyed our banter. He could keep up with my wit and smart statements. So he hands me his card and says to keep in touch. I send him an email with literally 4 sentences
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don’t know what to say
But I’m emailing youuu
Lol, what? It’s funny
He wrote back a paragraph. I spoke to him once over the weekend and we are scheduled to watch a Naija movie when I get back home. Hmmm.
So, I wonder, should I take a chance and date someone of a different race (I say different race because I've dated other Africans).
On another note, a dear friend of mine was done with a virus over the weekend. Please pray for a complete recovery. Now this friend of mine- His story!!! I think I may have already blogged about him. I need to pray more and it’s not about health.
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