I cried today. Silent tears strolled down my cheeks. I sucked on a halls drop and concentrated on the drive home. But I couldn't help it. So easily, he breaks down my walls and barriers and....even now the tears are in the back of my eyes. I'm keeping them there so I can prove to myself that he doesn't have such a hold on me.
He looked better than the last time I saw him. It sparked some hope in my mind. I should have just stayed away...
I fooled myself. I thought I was over him. I had deceived myself. I cut him off, only talked to him when I had to.
I missed him...I miss him, I want him, I refuse to believe I love him. I like to think I am infatuated.
This has never happened to me before. I pride myself on not 'crying' 'falling' over a guy.
But Men! When I see him, I smile, I want him to acknowledge me, say nice things to me, make me feel special...
But that's not him. To him, I'm just a little girl in his world, not someone to take an interest in.
How did he do it???
How did he wiggle his way into my heart without lifting a finger?
I'm sure he goes days without thinking about me
I'm sure I'm not top twenty on his list
Why do I hope on hope?
I ask God to help me. I can't ask God for him. But within the deepest cracks in my heart. I hope that one da....I can't even type it.
I wish he would read this, I wish he wouldn't.
I feel so silly for crying.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention. He doesn't know. I refuse to let him know just how deep i allowed him into my heart.
Okay. Now that I've ranted and raved. I feel much better.
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2 comments:
am glad you feel better babe, maybe you need to talk about him more to get him out of your head.
That's deep. What can I say but hold on to Him (God) like never before. No one can make you feel "held" better than He can.
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