No! It can't be...has it really being that long?

Has it really being that long? Nahhh, I didn't stay away that long...but didn't i? Yes, I did. I'm back...hopefully. I always have something to say or comment about. You wouldn't believe it but in the past year, I have experienced and being through a lot. I think this year is a year of joy and tears...don't like the tears part much.

Reading past posts
You know, there is something therapeutic about reading what you wrote a long time ago and seeing how you feel today about certain situations. Time truly heals and hides a lot of things. I can't imagine how I used to feel about certain individuals and what I feel now. I can't even recall why I felt a certain way about someone...just to feel nothing at now. Its true what the Bible says: The heart is very deceitful.

Can we start all over
I'm going to make a better effort to write more things down. My heart right now is heavy. this is not the way the story should go. I should be on fifth heaven on my way to seventh and I'm busy sifting on 3rd. I'm going to write. It always made me feel better anyways.

i'll start all over...i'll start my blog again.

Its being a long time coming

In my language, we would say "dari ji mi!" which means Forgive me. I have been neglectful. I haven't even opened my blog since I started B-School. Yes, I got in and I'm thankful and its hard but its lots of FUN and I am learning alot, which is more important. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to update as much, but I'll take this little free time to let y'all know what I've been up to and also update on the few random stuff I write about.

Work/School life
For one thing, B-school kicked off and it was all and more than I expected. We just finished term 1 and went on a Week in Cities trip to Atlanta where we visited top consulting firms in the area. Great experience and definitely turned my opinion on a lot of firms for the better. Met a few interesting cool cats that I would like to keep in touch with. I am just praying that Term 2 would be even better than term 1. I get to tackle Corporate Finance, marketing and Strategy, so I'm game.

Personal life
God is good. Thats all I can say. A lot has changed or maybe nothing at all. hmm

Brothers wedding in Nigeria
See, when you see something good such as your second half and recognize who that person is to you, you don't wait to be told to solidify that relationship. I had a blast in Naija. The wedding went off with of course a little drama here and there but all in all, it was FAB. We came out in style, we danced our heads off, praised God for He did an awesome job as usual and put on 10 pounds in the mix. I love you Bros and Sis and I pray for the very Best for both of you.

London
I always love going to that city because I have great friends who take time out of their busy schedule and make it worth my while. We had a house to ourselves (my siblings, friends and cousins), so it was like boarding house without the headmistress. The stories, the trains, the love, the food, the crazy moments, the impromptu in-house love vs. hate 'hehe' made it an awesome experience.

Naija in general
Omo, it is true...Home cannot be replaced, replicated or forgotten. From Abuja to Lagos, I had a wonderful experience. For the first time in a long time, all of us where back home together...stayed by ourselves without the folks. I tell you, I have never been more tripped that I was during this trip. Abuja. Please Lord, one day, let Lagos turn into Abuja in the sense of security, landscape, development and increased peace of mind.
Loved it.

Book I'm reading or should I say Finished Reading
I am not going to do this book's write up justice as even right now I am thinking about all my homework piling up. BUT, whether you are Nigerian or not, if you have not yet, do pick up Chimamanda Adichie's Book "Half of a Yellow Sun". WOW...Mind Blowing and worth more that the 14 bucks they sell it for here in the states. This lady is the next Maya Angelou in Fictional Writing. The way she wove the lives of her characters into the storyline leading up to, during and after Nigeria's Civil War (Biafra War) was the work of a gifted artist. She left me tongue imagining how she came up with some intricacies of ordinary people's lives. She wrote as if she were a man and going through the things men go through. She wrote as if she were a mother trying to fend and defend her kids...it was just an experience. Yes, thats the word. An experience in a book!!
Kai, I couldn't keep that book down. I had never truly heard the perspective of my Ibo brothers and sisters during that time, so this was really eye opening. Get your Copy and read. Its worth it.

I'm out for now.

I'm Back

Ohhhh, its good to be back!! Okay, so I’ve been back to the states for about a month now but I just couldn't sum up the energy to update my blog. BUT. I had to. Have a paper due by 5. Have to finish by 2 so i can get some shopping in. BUT. Better now than never. If i told you that I had an incredible time in London and Naija that would be a lie. In short, it would be an understatement. The word has not yet being created to describe the terrific time I had in those two countries. Hmmmm. I need to gist you. I truly do. But you will have to wait, because time is precious and I have to go write. See ya.

No long thing!!

Dear Diary,
I will and currently am taking a well deserved break/vacation/holiday from the land of Free Men to the Land of dreary weather and where people say 'Hiya' instead of What's popping?
So, I probably will not update as much which seems to be the current theme.
From there, its to the land of...well, Home. I cannot wait!! Suya, yogurt, agbalumo, bribery of the highest level, here I come!
Until Fall, take care,
Love
Naija Jinx

Deceit

Where do I start? It’s over and I’m hurting someone. I know I am but I can’t help it. If I don’t (didn’t) move away, I would be sinking into a sea of false lies and deceit (on my part, seeing that I would be going along with something that I knew would fall apart). We had fun together. I started loving him because we clicked in so many ways…because he always got mad if he thought I didn’t call him as much as he did…because he was good to me…because he cared about me. I had to let him go because this relationship was pulling me down spiritually. He would have slept with me if I let him and had no qualms about it. There were things that biblically and I thought so too are morally wrong that he didn’t have a problem with. Probably because he just KNEW I would be his wife. He didn’t respect my faith. He tolerated it. I didn’t believe in his own faith. It didn’t bother him. It bothered me. It bothered me that this dude that was all right was all wrong because the foundation for any long-lasting relationship(in my opinion) was not there.

I tried to communicate why this just had to be a friendship but every time we met, spent time together, I forgot all about my First Love. I didn’t do my daily devotions, I didn’t pray, I pushed the limits when it came to what was acceptable and what was not.

I wouldn’t lie; I am weak in the flesh. It is only by the sheer will of God and my commitment to living this Christian life God’s way(not mine or yours) that has made me hold on to my promise to abstain from sex.

I went back to what I knew was always true. I searched God’s word and it hadn’t changed! It hadn’t changed! I was deceiving myself. Now, I remember all those times that Popsie would catch us ‘doing homework’ in front of the TV and then say “you think you are accomplishing something? Stop deceiving yourself!”

So prior to my growing some back bone to end this ‘thing,’ we had made plans to go on vacation together. I didn’t want to scrap the plans. That and I had already bought my ticket. I’m cheap, what can I say? So I envisioned this vacation as an end to something…nice. I figured we would talk and voice our thoughts and fears and make a decision to go our separate ways. Me hoping he would make that decision so I wouldn’t bear the guilt of the one who walked away. Seeing as I would be okay with him breaking up with me. This is even though we are not and were not technically in a relationship.

So anyways, I flew down south and as usual when I’m with him, I just go with just being with him. He looked good and I was recovering from the flu. H bought me lunch and took me to his house. I was hoping he had something planned for us to do but it just seemed as if we would get up with whatever was happening that night. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to just take a nap. Turned into a long nap.

The next morning we drove down to Florida. Florida was great. The memories…! We went walking, cruising, parasailing, boat ride and just enjoying each others company. We ate jamiacan food, strolled on the beach, feed each other and acted like we had being together for years. We kept everything out. Plus God. Plus Jesus. And my guilt piled on.

It was as if I was trading these fleeting pleasures for something that has always been constant in my life. Every time I let myself open to him, I closed a part of me to God’s will because I knew this was not His best for me. I was sinning pure and simple. I was straying little by little. I was leading him on with my actions even though I repeatedly told him I couldn’t give him what he wanted or would ever go through with marrying him. My actions were deceit.

At the end of the weekend, well, lets just say, we finally talked…or I talked and decided right there and then that this would end….
To be continued

Updates Part 1

I know its being a long time coming but I just didn’t feel like it. There was so much happening that if I wrote it down then, it would be too real for me to take, to digest, to ignore…to handle. I guess I can start from the top and work my way down. I may omit some things…I may be blatantly honest. I don’t know. But its important I write down my thoughts before I question my actions years later. So, I will be posting stories back to back until I write all I need to write

My Cousin’s Graduation.
I have never being so proud or so happy for someone who was not family. K is special to me because we are always honest with each other. She has grown up to be a woman I admire and relate to. I remember when I went to visit her out on the West coast and had a blast with her. Her outlook on life and how she argued with you on every point was something to behold. Then she moved closer to us and found her First Love. To say the least, the change that God has made in her life is a reminder that there is someone far greater than you and I that can take a mold of clay and create a Work of Art.
It was no surprise that when we heard that she was graduating from law School, everybody and their mama showed up and came out to support her. Or maybe because this signaled the end to her first career- professional student!! I cannot tell you how many degrees babygirl has under her arm. And she got them in a relatively short amount of time. This could be attributed to the fact once you are brilliant in Naija, you can skip grades left right and center.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me back track so I can give you day to day gist

The gist and my Twin cousin ‘O’
I had been looking forward to her graduation because of the sheer number of people that were coming and fun I knew would ensue when you put Naijas from various backgrounds in one house. That and the fact that my cousin called a 50s theme for graduation party and I wanted to show off my dress! My cousins came down, my family from Down South and my aunts and her mom from Naija. Of course all the young folks stay at K’s house (yup, my cousin owns her own house) and the mamas stayed at Aunty T’s house. K had bough a house a few months back, so we all had a place to stay. By Friday afternoon, the house was packed. Majority of the girls slept in k’s room- some taking to the floor and others (3 I believe sharing the Bed)-so you can imagine the amount of gisting and gbegborun that was happening :-P
I as usual chilled with the boys…what can I say, I’m a tomboy at heart. I convinced my sis who is one of K’s rommies to do my hair, which she did a fabulous job as usual…even though we did not finish till Friday morning, at 4am. We started this adventure Thursday night. No comment! But it’s all love though

Our live-in Chef!
Friday was pretty chill. I think the highlight was that we in the house were awaiting the arrival of someone important. In short without this person who would have starved or being living off of indomie or garri---no lie. That was what we ate Thursday night and Friday morning before his arrival. The shopping had been done. The kitchen had been set. The ingredient bought. Who is this person we were waiting for you ask?? It was none other than the Alafin of “throw Down Naija style”, the male side of Iya puts food, none other than O, K’s brother. If that boy was not my cousin, I would marry him. NO LIE. That boy can cook better than me, my mama and even his combined. Chai. I remember when I eat his Edo version of Ila Alasepo. I nearly broke my teeth licking my plate. My best friend who just had her molars pulled and could not eat solid food because of her pain, stomached the pain and went for round two because of his food- True Story. But I digress.

So anyways, O came in Friday afternoon and got right to work. He made some goat meat stew and white rice. In short, there was nothing left in the pot after we were done. Thank God that I had saved some extra because I knew I would crave more later. The next morning, o regaled us with a 5 star breakfast. What did we not eat that he didn’t prepare- Baked Beans, bacon, Sausages, Eggs, steak, chicken etc. I am certain I must have put on weight just with that heavy breakfast. And something unique and lovely about O is that it doesn’t go to his head that he is a good cook. He keeps reiterating the fact that he is just learning. When he tastes something that is good from older and experienced cooks, eh says” this is the level I am trying to operate on.” He is a man who loves God and a worker in his church. He is soft spoken is known to talk in proverbs instead of English. He doesn’t judge but lets Christ shine in his behaviors. He is pretty young in his faith but I sing praises to God when I see O now as opposed to what he was before. A focused man, who may have his faults from time to time, but still, has a heart for God.

Wow, I just wrote a paragraph about O and food. So, as I was saying once again, Friday was cool. I went out with my sis and one of my aunts to go shopping. I was extremely happy because I found a pair of chic slipper-shoes that did not wreck havoc on my knee but was heeled enough to go with the dress.

The Concert
On Saturday, after my lovely breakfast, my sister and I again went out and took my aunt (K’s mom) and our two aunties to the mall and some other stores. It was on this trip that I found another matching accessory to my outfit- a purse. And since it didn’t have a tag, I got it for 12 bucks, something that would have cost 25 pa minimum! God is good I tell you. Yeah, maybe I had alterior motives to be looking fresh to death that evening…maybe it was because of the knowledge I knew Naija babes who were fashionistas would be attending the graduation and I didn’t want to feel somehow….or maybe it was because K’s friend, whom I had only met once was coming to take me to Seal’s concert before we headed out to k’s shindig…or maybe I was trying to impress her friend who I know is not into me but was still fine. Seal has not lost his touch at all. I was surprised by the sheer amount of people who packed the indosie/outdosie venue to see Seal sing his oldies that we love. I was on my fit most of the time singing dancing and just having a great old time. HWne he sang Love divine or Kiss from the Rose, I could have kissed a perfect stranger right there and then. He was awesome and beautiful! YES, beautiful because you didn’t see the scars on his face and head, you saw the beauty in his melody and soul.

The Shindig
Let’s get gawn, walk it out, now ‘ting’ about it…awwwww SNAP!! Now Rock Rock Rock Rock you can do it all by yourself!Hehehe. Omo, DJ Zuma was in the house and it was off the chain. We partied till two in the morning. Me, as a dancing connoisseur, I refused to eb out done on the dance floor. Was it Makossa, was it Dancehall, was it dirty south hip hop or Afro Hip Hop? Was it komole or Walk it out or Ajegunle music? Mehn, I danced so te people knew Baby girl had a passion. It was also extra special because I was dancing with people I knew, my cousins, my cousin’s friends, my brother, people I met at K’s house. It was just nice to enjoy the music and people and not have to worry about smoke in my hair or dress or one ingrate trying to get a hard on on my booty. K was looking fly as usual and was a gracious host. Everyone had a blast, someone bought me my favorite drink which I nursed the whole night. I am what you can a pretend alcohol drinker. I like the flavor of it in my drinks but if I can taste it or it’s too strong, I don’t drink it. My guy friends wonder why I drink since I water it to the level that it can no longer be deemed an alcoholic beverage. Big ups to K and her roommate for planning such an event.

We later left to another graduation party but that one was not as fab as K’s jare. The only thing was that there was suya…and I ate a whole lot of it.

The graduation ceremony
So, we got back in at 5 in the morning were convinced that we would wake up in time for the 8.30 church service. It is not good to lie to ones self. We all woke up around 10—with just enough time to get ready for the graduation ceremony, pick up a few folks and march on down. The graduation took about 3 hours as the law school class was about 500 students. All I know was that my family took the trophy for breing the loudest when a student walked across the stage. We did continue to scream and shout k’s name and shout party like a rock start from the moment her name was called to when she collected her diploma to when she walked off the stade. K told us that the Dean couldn’t believe the amount of noise. Someone needs to let him know that this Naija family rolls deep and supports each other/ I think we were about 15-20 at the graduation ceremony.
After the ceremony, we met K outside the hall and started singing Praises to God in Yoruba—positively embarrassing the chick gan sef. But did we care? Nope!

We later high tailed it to Aunty T’s house, who had spent mad mula on K's post graduation party. There was food galor and about a hundred folks in the house. We ate, we danced, we reminisced and then we went home

You can tell that I had a blast! I did, I truly did. I’m so happy for you K. May God continue to instill in you the stillness to know that he is God and in Him, you can truly do all things.

Write Up on the Corner

Impressive. And I’m not easily impressed but I was impressed by the writing style, the blatant truth, the journalistic approach that the writers of The Corner took to constructing their book. It took me about 4 days to finish the 500 page book and let me tell you, I am more knowledgeable and more understanding because of it.
I’m sure that I am stale in reading and writing up on the book…seeing that the infamous The Wire on HBO is based on the book.
I came across the book in our family library. I had seen it a couple of times before but nothing led me to pick it up and read. It wasn’t until I finished Book 3 of the Malloreon that I picked it up…sort of as a distraction. It became my main read.

The Corner is about the open air drug markets in East Baltimore. More importantly, its about the lives of the people involved- from the crack fiends(as opposed to crack heads) to the dealers, the buyers, the sellers, the environment, the despair, the hopelessness, the Hope, the Culture, the money, the greed, and the lifestyles. Now when I hear rap/Hip-hop songs sing about their corners, I know what they are talking about.

The authors- David Simon and Edward Burns in a nutshell wrote a powerful book based on their observations of a busy drug corner in East B-more. At the center of the story is the McCullough family- a real life family where both parents went from Grace to Grass and their son DeAndre who is a small time drug dealer. The authors turned a one year stint on the corner- gaining the trust of the inhabitants and being observant bystanders to bring us a chilling and raw- no holds- account of what we as a society continue to ignore. This book opened my eyes to a world that I only hear about but couldn’t for the life of me phantom. I couldn’t understand the reasoning behind the senseless destruction of one’s life by ones hand. I couldn’t understand how people can see themselves getting sicker and sicker and not stop the cycle. I wouldn’t understand why government services and the police were ineffective. I couldn’t phantom why a teenage would have a baby for a drug dealer. But after reading this book…..I had some answers, maybe not all, but some. I now understand how without a strong and social response to this growing epidemic, it would grow and reach our doorsteps. I think on another note, this book speaks to the power of supply and demand and capitalism at its best. There will always be drugs and people willing to supply as long as circumstances give rise to Demand. From an economic background, I was shocked at the elaborate and advanced system of advertisement and marketing that went into the drug trade. These people could definitely give Corporate America a run for their money.

I wouldn’t give away the details but I encourage you to pick it up and read. It would shock you. You will not pity the real life characters in the book. It would move you beyond pity. It would not be a sensationalized read BUT it would make you think and hopefully react.

Below is an editorial by Publishers Weekly from the BarnesandNoble.com website:

In the authors' note, Simon (Homicide) and Burns, a retired patrolman and detective with the Baltimore Police Department, encapsulate their year-long (1992-1993) experience on a west Baltimore street corner interviewing drug addicts and watching children grow up too fast. They masterfully present a theater of the drug war as they follow four generations of the McCullough family, concentrating on 15-year-old DeAndre, who attempts to rise above the mistakes of his heroin- and cocaine-addicted parents but fails to escape the pressures of the street. Yet his story allows exploration of other issues, such as the history of the corner's drug activities and the attitudes of the police, the social workers and the high-school teachers who have all but lost hope for the area's children. Part family neighborhood portrait, part political-social analysis, the book conveys the feeling of helplessness of those who awake every morning thinking only of their "next blast" and the arrogance of those who condemn them for it. The loss of innocence chronicled here is summed up by a line from one of DeAndre's poems: "Hungry for knowledge, but afraid to eat."